I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
