i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
