I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
