guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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