I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
