Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
