I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She even gives head with a lisp.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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