I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
