Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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