no, he came in my armpit
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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