The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
