He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
