batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
