I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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