my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Randomize
