North Korea, Best Korea!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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