Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
