with your own penis?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
