I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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