I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
