I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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