I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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