Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
