I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
