I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
nutella sex= disaster
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
