What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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