my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
