How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize