If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
