just tell him i said nine months
babies were throwing up all over the place
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
