about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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