haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im part way to drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
