Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
