My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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