Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
