i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
