First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize