Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
