everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I got inside last night via doggy door
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
