just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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