I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
