Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
