you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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