you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
