so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
