TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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