doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
