I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
