Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
