I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
