My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
