This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
