I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
