I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Your penis caused this!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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