dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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