was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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