Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
