I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
