i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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