I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
