You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
time to smoke my breakfast
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
