Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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