I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
