fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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